so i figure i'll start writing in this again. i feel like writing somewhere, and LJ makes it very convenient. i couldnt decide if i should make my journal private or not, because while i don't particularly mind people reading it, and in fact would certainly like to read people's comments if they have any, i don't what what i write to be read with the impression that i WANTED people to read it. mostly because what i'll probly be writing is whiny, annoying, feel-sorry-for-yourself crap, since that's sort of what my curent situation pushes me towards. ah, the epitome of livejournal posts. but i guess it makes sense. who writes when they're happy? when i'm enjoying my life, i don't rush home to write about it. i keep enjoying it :) it's only my current complete solitude which is both giving me more time to think about things (something which it may - or may not - surprise you to know i don't do much of normally), and leading me to want to find things to take up my time, such as writing down the results of the former. so here we are. mind your eyes, starting this up again is bound to raise up clouds of dust.

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: Marillion - Afraid Of Sunlight

an addendum to the last entry. it's not really that i'm concerned about looking like your typical blogger, complaining about how his parents don't understand him and he doesn't want to do his homework today and maybe he will cut himself to show them all. really it's just the fact that i don't want to give off the impression that i intend this to be of interest to anyone but myself. i sort of want to use it as a repository to dump my day-to-day thoughts, which most likely you won't find particularly entertaining. so i guess my intention is to provide a disclaimer. i'm not writing this for you, i'm writing it for me, so don't think that i actually imagine you are interested. sorry if i clutter up you friends page with uninteresting crap. if it actually bothers anyone, let me know and i'll make it private (since i'd rather that than have you remove me from your friends list). again, it doesn't really matter to me one way or the other whether my journal is visible to the world, so if it annoys anyone, feel free to let me know :) ahh, there. that's what i was trying to say.

Current Music: Marillion - Beyond You

It's interesting that everything I do seems to be for the purpose of sharing it with others. I always used to love showing my brother and my friends new music I'd gotten into, but I learned to control that since unfortunately most people don't enjoy having music shoved at them. I instead learned other, more subtle, insidious, and patient methods of getting them into the music I liked. But my point is, that seems to be a common aspect of my personality - I love sharing my experiences with others, and in fact that seems to be my primary goal in most activities. That is why I take so many pictures, even though most of them are just snapshots of things I see. I'm always anxious to post my latest pictures on my photo gallery so that all my friends can rush (as I imagine it) to see them and share in this latest amusing or interesting thing I've come across, etc. No matter how many times I've seen a movie, I enjoy it greatly if at least one person watching it hasn't seen it. I love the exposition, and seeing if they enjoy it as much as I do. Even now that I'm alone, and trying to find new hobbies etc to take up my time, I thought of taking the ferry to some of the protected island habitats around PR like Isla De Mona and Culebra, or one of the inhabited islands like Vieques, just to explore and see what kind of animals and plans I'd find. But even in this, my first thought was to take pictures of what I found and put it in my gallery so my friends could see. Even something like exploring, I basically want to do just so others can see what I found, not for any personal curiosity or edification. My new car is great, and I enjoy driving it, but the experience is not as exciting as I was hoping, because there's nobody to share it with. I can't take friends for rides, let them drive it, take the car to autocrosses and have members of the car club check it out, etc. Even my decision to buy it was slightly hastened by the fact that Andy and Amy were coming down to visit and I wanted to have it by the time they got here, so they could see it. And I realize that nobody else particularly cares much about everything that I want to show them, which is the worst part. I always feel like i'm being a nuisance, forcing myself on people when I keep trying to show them various aspects of my life. I wonder where this obsession with showing things to other people developed? It has become pretty central to my personality by now.

Current Music: Mannheim Steamroller - Small Wooden Bach'ses